Yes, you read that right. And yes, I know it doesn’t make sense—at least not yet. Stick with me for a second, let me give you my side of the story, and then tell me what you think.

When suicide is brought up, it’s natural for those left behind to spiral into the whys and what-ifs. It’s almost a subconscious reflex. You hear things like, “I can’t understand why they would ever do that—they had such a good life,” or “If I were in that situation, I would’ve just gotten out of it,” or “I wish I had been there—maybe I could have done something.”

There are a few reasons why this mindset can be harmful, but let’s start with the most universal one: you will never understand exactly why someone takes their own life. You could flip every mattress, dig through every stack of papers, read every email—and still come up short. Even if you’ve been in a dark place, it’s different for everyone. Trying to put yourself in their shoes is like starting a mile behind the line for a 100-yard sprint because you think it’ll help you hit top speed sooner. It doesn’t work that way.

Next, don’t put yourself in the position of “what if I had been there?” Even if you were, would you have realistically been watching that person 24/7? Probably not. And while it’s a harsh truth, once someone has decided to end their life, they often find a way to see it through. That’s why the early moments matter most. Spotting the signs and being present before the decision is made—that’s where we can make the most significant difference.

Finally, the most important missing “I” in suicide is from the person. We often imagine their final thoughts being filled with phrases like, “I’m a failure,” “I hate my life,” or “I don’t want to live anymore.” But more often than not, it’s not “I” at the center—it’s “them.” It’s “What will they think?” or “We’ll have to move to a smaller house.” Our internal critic doesn’t just attack us—it compares us to everyone else. We obsess over “success” and “failure,” tragically, these become the final thoughts for too many people.

Jordan B. Peterson captures this well in 12 Rules for Life. He explains how our inner voice picks one arbitrary comparison area and acts like it’s the only one that matters. Then it holds us up against someone exceptional in that domain and tells us we’re not enough. But life isn’t black and white. Just because someone’s stronger in the gym or more successful at work doesn’t mean you’re not exceptional elsewhere. What you lack in one area, you might bring tenfold in another. That’s the beauty of individuality.

So here’s what I ask: sometime soon, write down what you think you’re good at—and where you fall short. Take a hard look. Reflect on it. Analyze it if you want. And then? Burn that fucking page.

Because that list is not your life—it’s barely even a snapshot of it. Too often, we forget the impact we’ve had on others simply because we can’t see their gratitude. So stop comparing yourself to someone else. Instead, compare yourself to who you were yesterday.

Signing off for now,
NB